I'm Leaving This Blank

Monday, March 12, 2012
In Loving memory of my beloved ahma. at 1:13 AM

Its been a year since you left us.

I'm just not quite sure about me being alr accepting the fact that you were gone, or just me not wanting to think of you and tear. Because I HATE showing ppl my emotions. I'm the kind of girl that cries very easily. Thats why I dun wan it to happen at all.

The vid my aunty n uncle made in remembrance of u was just too torturing to watch.
The part about the flashbacks were beautifully pieced up. but the part about asking where are you now; we miss you all. Just made me weep instantly. I have been controlling myself, I have been hiding all these emotions but those words I saw just hit me too hard.


Does anyone know how painful it felt?
Its like everything has changed.
CNY, I can no longer see her, no longer kiss her.
I can nv taste her Zup Zuan mee sua ever agn.
I can nv knock on the door and greet her excitedly "AHMAAA WA LAI LIAO!!!" and give her a hug n a kiss. those were the days, I could hear her silly laughters. and asking me if im studying (tut chey).

I din really visit her when I grew older. and I HATED myself it. I took her for granted. and I had to live with it. I get pissed off when ppl dun take good care of their health. CMON, cancer took my grandma away. Do you know how much she has suffered? her legs was swollen during CNY, her skin turned yellow. She cried because her stomach hurts. and my grandma is the strongest woman i have ever known.She dealt with the excruciating pain for so long.

 Altho she was in pain, she still stood up and cook my fave mee sua becos she knows that I love to eat.

Thinking of all this bitter sweet memories really made my heart cringe a little. I wonder if she knows how much I really miss her presence. :'(

Thk you for being such a loving grandma. I will always keep you in my heart. I love you and I always will.

Till we meet again. I love you.



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Ng Ee Xuan. 19.11.1991. For shoots and enquiries, please email me at: eexuan91@live.com.sg




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